Saturday, 19 August 2017

Castles, Castles, and More Castles

Hasbro, we need to talk.

It's about the castles.  I don't know if you're keeping track, but there are a lot of castles in the world of MLP, and the number seems to be increasing exponentially.
Now, I like a good castle as much as the next unicorn, but this is becoming problematic because I, personally, do not live in a castle.  I'm running out of space.  Where am I supposed to keep all these (increasingly giant) castles?
The Dream Castle was the first MLP castle, and still the best in my mind.  It made a huge impression on my childhood self, so much so that I still have anger issues from the (original) MLP Movie when the ponies gave up Dream Castle to live in Paradise Estate (which they then spent a lot of time complaining about and repairing - that'll teach you ponies to move out of the perfect home!)
The G2s may not have had much in the way of backstory, but they knew a good living arrangement when they saw one.  Their castle (which I pined for for years) has a fireplace, a grand staircase, and a candelabra, although it was missing a resident dragon.
The G3s also knew a good castle when they saw one (with the possible exception of the beach-loving pegasi).  Castles were getting larger by this time, with elevator technology, three storeys, hot air balloons, and plenty of space for tea parties!  They were larger, but at least they still collapsed down for storage.
The G4s though.  The G4s have taken castles to a new level (a three-foot level)!  There's a castle for every princess, queen, or visiting dignitary in Ponyville!  The ponies themselves may have gotten smaller, but the castles have more rooms, more stairs, more elevators, more tea sets, more libraries, more balconies, more width, more length, more height, and less ability to collapse.  They're beautiful, and creative, and freakin' enormous.
And this is the problem.  I love the castles, but I'm out of real estate.  I do not have space for another giant castle, or a medium-sized castle (maybe a small castle).  So what I need is either a moratorium on castle construction, or to join Castles Anonymous.

So what do you say?  How about next year we take a castle break?


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